I know Better


I met up with my old friend today

She said she finally set the date

It’s been a long time coming, it may seem sudden

But when you know you know…


She went on and on about her man

As she flashed the ring that’s on her hand

And just before we left, she smiled at me and said…










I could barely catch my breath

Or stop the pounding in my chest

When she said his name I saw the picture change

‘Cause when you know you know…


How ya gonna break it to a friend

And go diggin’ up all that dirt again?

Do I let his colors show?  Does she need to know?…






Sometimes people change

I sure hope they don’t stay the same

Sometimes people change…





(Written DOC: 9/6/11  Anne Preven/Deana Carter)




How do you tell someone something they might not want to hear?  How do you decide if it’s something they need to know & if you should be the one to tell them?

This song was loosely written about 3 people that were unintentionally connected. So, no one intentionally deceived anyone…it was just a very uncomfortable coincidence. Obviously, the male fiancé had decieved or left the singer heartbroken in the past, which had little or nothing to do with her present-unknowing-friend being engaged to him now.

What a tough situation for everyone!  And a ripple-effect reminder of our choices.

Deana Carter I know Better BlogSo, do we really know better or do we just possibly know ‘different’? The singer obviously has her experience with the guy but…so does the current friend who is blissfully happy & ecstatically planning a wedding with the past heart-breaker. What if the guy had totally changed? It is possible. But is it likely? Is it possible for us to get past ‘who someone was’ & the hurt they caused….to ‘who they are now’, the new potential they hold, & everything that happened in between? Is it possible for THEM to get past it & live differently? Have WE changed at all since the hurt? Is our ‘present’ & ‘potential’ more positive than our past?

Again, I believe it is possible.  But let me also say, that I believe it is a very daunting task at times to forgive & see someone in a new light, even ourselves. But it is no less required of us, since we all are guilty of something less than perfection…some form or shortcoming or hurtful, selfish action at some point, or many points & times in our lives. There is definitely the factor that some people don’t change because they don’t choose to but let’s focus on the ones that are willing.

So, what are we to do? First, I believe that the truth is always going to come out…so honesty should always win out firsthand.  We are created in Truth & Light & are ‘pierced’ when we aren’t living like it…acknowledged or unacknowledged.  There are tons of scriptures that speak about truth & the imperative nature of being truthful, inwardly with ourselves & outwardly with others, if we are to ever to be in real communion with God or anyone else.  And let’s be clear…today’s society totally advocates everyone finding ‘their truth’, which can have little to nothing to do with ‘real truth.’  Similarly, some people can feel guilty or not feel guilty about something they did that was wrong, so the ‘feeling’ doesn’t change the fact that the action was wrong. Truth is truth & does not come in various forms or feelings.

‘Truth & Love’ (lived out through faith) is the grand equation of our intended existence.  God  is a fountain of truth (John 4:33) & he expects no less from us.  There are hundreds of scriptures (over 233) that speak of truth.  So, it is no doubt, a high priority in God’s eyes. The Bible also lays out the importance of ‘taming the tongue’, so be contemplative & prayerful about speaking the truth. The key is to always speak the truth in love….never from a place of jealousy, anger, or resentment. Also, be patient & understanding with the person you are sharing the truth with since it can be painful or surprising to receive, as well as to hear.

Now, looking at ‘CHANGE.’ Do leopards really change their spots? Well….did you know that science shows that they actually DO change…from infancy to adulthood? How apropos! They don’t disappear, but they do change.  Just like our own present, inward maturity & potential.  Just as I referred to regret being a part of realizing wrong & pointing us in a better direction, I believe that being willing to live in truth is what makes change not only possible, but inevitable.  It can be painful, but no less necessary. But there has to be a willing heart. God can give us & others a new heart if we let him (2 Corinthians 5:17), changing our lives for real & for good.  But…we have to CHOOSE  to let Him.

Truth & change has been a recurring historical theme between God’s outreaching to us & us ‘extending’ our reach back to Him.  It is an exchange. He loves us & we become aware of that love, He gently points out things in our lives that need to change & we let him strengthen us to live differently. He walks us deeper & deeper & we accept Him more & more. It is a process & this becomes a beautiful dance that we get to live out to find more peace & clarity. It sets us on a straighter path to reach our full potential.  He PROMISES that He will bring it to fruition.  And I believe Him. The scary part is that all of this can take TIME.  Ugggh!  Yes, time….the thing we seem to have so little of & the mere mention of ‘vesting’ in it makes our reluctant knuckles drag the ground…especially, if it involves…(gulp)…change! But if we’re willing, it is possible, promised & proven.

In the New Testament, Paul was changed from being one of the worst Christian persecutors to being one of God’s greatest servants (Acts 9). Historically, through & through, God is all about gracing us with time to change & make better choices.  Abraham, the father of faith, was changed through circumcision, Moses was changed after 40 years of desert isolation, Joseph (son of Jacob) was abandoned by his own brothers, enslaved, then became governor of Egypt & in return saved them from famine. Esther was a common girl who became queen, Rahab was a prostitute who became a hero, Jonah rebelled against God’s calling & was swallowed by a fish, to be spit out 3 days later a changed man! The stories go on & on & on.  God is all about truth, love, & change through PATIENCE….then & now. Even though Adam & Eve changed the course of humanity from perfection to rebellion, Christ came to change us back into perfection from rebellion by redeeming us in God’s eyes if we believe in Him.  So, He is the originator of choice & the daily catalyst for change for the better. And the offer stands until we take our last breath. The goal is to choose to connect & we can only do that through truth & change from a willing heart.

I found an interesting scripture today that spoke loudly to me that we could apply to the song ‘I Know Better’:  (2 Corinthians 2:5-11)

“If anyone has caused grief…the punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.  I urge you to reaffirm your love for him…in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”

I do believe in happily-ever-afters.  I want one for me & I want one for you.  I also want this treatment, referring to the above scripture, for myself (& for you) but I am really struggling to apply it to a particuluar situation in my life at the moment. It is hard to remember that we all fall short & could be the guilty party in this reference, especially when we’ve been hurt badly & are focused on our own pain. So, it not only spoke to me about some of the things & people I’m having a hard time forgiving in my own life, it speaks to me about how much I would appreciate this kind of consideration & forgiveness from the people “I’ve caused grief.” I really need God’s help to encourage me to even want to live this out in my own situation at the moment. Due to my hurt & dissapointment, I’m not sure that I have a willing heart to do this today.  Can you relate? But I am committed to keep trying & praying about it. And I hope you will too. We just have to keep being willing to go to God with it.  And that can be really hard, but again, no less necessary.

The devil doesn’t want us to live in truth or change.  But we still need to. And being aware of that is half the battle & worth the effort to do what’s right. I have a long way to go. But, I’m still willing to put one foot in front of the other in a positive, changed direction & work harder to focus on the blessings & what else I can ask God to show me that needs to change & be done in my life. I hope you will do the same.

Be blessed in your journey today!





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