I Barely Knew


 

I BARELY KNEW

I’m standing in the door with a suitcase in my hand
Looking at the floor, still trying to understand
How one split second just a moment in time
Can rattle my faith and the meaning of life
How do I face this world without you?

I THOUGHT ABOUT THE PAIN OF LOSING YOU
UNTIL TODAY, I BARELY KNEW
IT’S HARD TO SEE A BLESSING COMING TRUE
I RARELY DO, I BARELY KNEW.

I’m sitting on a plane like a million times before
Nothing is the same and it’s time to close the door
There’s no way out of the state I’m in
We can’t go back to where we’ve been
Without you I’ve got so much to lose…

I THOUGHT ABOUT THE PAIN OF LOSING YOU
BUT TILL TODAY, I BARELY KNEW
IT’S HARD TO SEE A BLESSING COMING TRUE
I RARELY DO, I BARELY KNEW.

BRIDGE:
People tell you how it’s gonna be
But I never found it out till it was happening to me

I THOUGHT ABOUT THE PAIN OF LOSING YOU
UNTIL TODAY, I BARELY KNEW
IT’S HARD TO SEE A BLESSING COMING TRUE
I RARELY DO, I BARELY KNEW…
WHY CAN’T I SEE A BLESSINGS COMING TRUE
I NEVER DO, I BARELY KNEW.
(DOC: 9/8/10 Written By: Deana Carter Deanaling Music/Warner Chappell/ASCAP, Lindsey Ray Key Serenity/Bughouse/ASCAP)

 


There is inevitably a time in everyone’s life when they have to go through something…not around it. There is just no other way. It’s how maturity is set up.

For the most part, life happens in stages or seasons. These things hold their challenges but are expected. We’re ‘built’ for it. It’s how we ‘develop’.
First, we go through childhood and puberty, then our teens, then young adulthood into full-blown adulthood and autonomy….eventually, connecting with another adult & creating more little people to repeat the process. We have to complete elementary school, middle or junior high school, high school, college, graduate school, etc…to be considered ‘professionals’. These things are stepping stones to greater levels of understanding & success & are steps that, for the most part, can’t be skipped if we want a certain amount of credibility, whether given or received. The greater level we achieve, the greater credibility we receive. That credibility is earned through a lot of sweat equity & guarantees a certain amount of maturity because we have traversed those mountains and made it to the other side. These are tangible achievements & we can choose ‘to what level’ we wish to succeed.

What about matters of the heart (and spirit) that we must graduate in, as well? And what about the mountains that we don’t get to choose? Do we ever graduate or do we just keep learning? There are no culmination ceremonies for the healing of a broken heart, turning the page, or surviving grief. No ‘shifting the tassel’ to signify a job well done. No accolades to the strength it takes & all of the hours of diligence to survive & just get through another day. No trophy or medal for traipsing heights or depths of the unknown.  But, one thing is certain….in matters of the heart, when we look back at our journey, whether inches or miles, we know for sure how little we knew before. This is how we truly grow & the only way we can come close to humbling ourselves enough to truly empathize with others.

In ‘I Barely Knew’, I’m very honest in the fact that I thought I knew a lot, or had an idea of how things were or would be…but looked back to realize that I didn’t ‘know’ until I ‘knew’. I know that sounds like heady, elementary gibberish, but it’s the simple truth.  I could anticipate success or failure, but would never know how it really felt until I had experienced it. I could anticipate the pain of what life might be like without someone I love, but could never really know the depth of that pain until they weren’t here. So, I couldn’t truly ‘know’ until I actually ‘knew’ through experience. “Duh!”, you say? Well, if you truly sit and think about it… a “no-brainer” can actually be a real head scratcher & a challenge that is only appreciated after the fact. That’s the whole point for this song….the result of some living…& some dying….of others & of parts of myself.

I barely knew a lot until I lost my dad. It’s the saddest right of passage ever & obviously next to impossible to explain. But the amazing part, is what the effect he had on my life is still teaching me. His (& my Mom’s) imprint continue to unfold. What a gift.

We can grow and achieve great things in this life but if we do not attain spiritual growth as well, then it’s not worth much. It’s tempting and easy to not grow spiritually because there’s no responsibility in that. The cost is way less.  We can paddle shallower waters and just float on the surface. Many of us don’t grow because we don’t feel the ‘need’ to grow…especially, if it’s painful. I was ‘stuck there’ for years. But, inevitably, we will all experience things that will change us for the better or for the worse. And I believe that every mountain (or molehill) is meant to shape us for the better & deliver us to a stronger place.

Nothing proves this more than the life of Jesus. He could have easily avoided the challenges & persecution that He faced but He didn’t. He walked with people and wept with them too. He addressed sin and the pain that it causes head on, but also encouraged people in how to get through it victoriously. Through perseverance & faith, this is possible, as in 1 Peter 2:21: “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps.” The Bible footnotes state simply: the patient endurance of injustice is part of God’s plan for the Christian. Christ is the supreme example of suffering evil for doing good. His experience as the suffering Servant-Savior transforms the sufferings of His followers from misery into privilege. (NIV Study Bible)

Now, I’m not suggesting that we should rejoice in the mourning or the tragedies & pain we experience, but… I am saying… that I have lived to understand that we are to be grateful for what we learn from it & how it stretches us beyond our perceived capacity….& teaches us to help others through it. It actually took some of these things to reconnect me with Christ. I had to be stretched beyond myself with nowhere to go but ‘up’….to Him. And for that, I’m grateful. And, why I want to share it.

Psalm 56:8 says…”You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” We live in a fallen world but God loves us anyway. Since Adam & Eve, He has been seeking us out. Nothing that you go through is lost on Him. He remembers you and cares for you with a watchful eye and tender hands. He knew your beginning & knows your end, so lean into Him with everything. Allow the ‘challenges’ you may be going through to be a vessel that carries expensive goods….hidden treasure.

P1250757 Deana CarterBe blessed & encouraged & THANKFUL this week….in everything!

Happy Thanksgiving!!
Blessings,
Deana

 

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12 Comments

  1. Deana, I happened to turn on the BetterTV show today (12/11/13)and saw you were a guest. As you know, first impressions are huge, and lasting impressions. What I saw was a classy, humble, beautiful woman; a woman of character and principle! When I heard your song “Do or Die”, I thought to myself, she is so grounded and humble, I’ll bet she is a Christian! I needed to find out! 🙂 So I found your webpage, read your blog, and I am even more impressed! Our Lord shines through you, and I am so glad He has given you this platform to touch millions of lives with His redeeming glory!
    May God continue to bless you Deana!

    P.S. I grew-up in New England and now live in the NorthWest. You now have a new fan! Are you planning on touring in the greater Portland Oregon area in 2014? 🙂

  2. Thank you for opening up your life through this blog; in these difficult days when we are struggling to come to terms with loss, things not being what we thought they were, and whether or not we are living in the type of faithful relationship we outwardly say we are, it is refreshing to hear other voices in other rooms that speak the truth about emotion, and learning to walk with Jesus & the Father … . You are a blessing who brings love and joy to my world. Thanks.

  3. Thanks for the share of words today, a day of Thanksgiving. A smile, a warmth from within, a tear that forms…It’s all good today. Have faith in the grace we share together. Our freedom depends on actions taken from our Military due to certain politics. I am sorry for your loss in your words that have torn a whole in your heart, similar to mine. May you hear my voice on day soon.

  4. When I look for answers for what I’m going through today I found it in your article psalm 56 paragraph eight. Thank you Dena

  5. Deana Carter is that rare artist who can release a new album which I will absolutely purchase knowing there will not be a bad tune on it! You rock young lady, so keep on! 🙂

  6. Deana, your words, your life, whether set to music or not, are/is so beautiful, deep and thought provoking. Keep it up girl, you’re touching lots of lives! Happy Thanksgiving!!

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